3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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