These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Randomize
