If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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