Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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