So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
