There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
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