i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
