Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize
