Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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