If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
