Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
