when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
