Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
