I just threw up on my dentist
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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