He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
