girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Randomize
