and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Don't EVER smell your tampon
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
