I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
