you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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