I hate your face
I will die if light touches me.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
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After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
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No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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