Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
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