jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
