I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
