Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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