You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
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If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
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somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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