I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
