ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
