He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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