I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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