please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
