Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
