Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I want to make a zoo with you.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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