my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Randomize
