you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
FUCK WHALES
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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