Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
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