Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Randomize
