Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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