He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Randomize
