I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
