That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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