Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
