Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
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