I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
