I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
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