the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
