I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
