I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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