then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
being pregnant is like rehab
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
