Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
