Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize
