can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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