It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
