I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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