I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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