You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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