my phone needs a breathalizer
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
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