dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
