FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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