I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
someone owes me an orgasm
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
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