i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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