I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I see more hoeing in ur future
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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