mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
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