That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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