The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
