Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
