I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Randomize
