two words: eviction party
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Someone stole a lamp last night.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
