so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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