dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
