It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
