your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
