My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
