i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
