You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
