i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
